The true value of friendship at work...

Work friendship, does it have a dark side?

“Loyalty”, “Respect”, “Love”, “Trust”, “Fellowship”, “Commitment”. These are the terms we use to describe friendship in all its positivity and grandeur! It is hard to imagine any dark side to such a bright and hearty concept that has being key to our social fabric and to our success as a species. However, we live in a complex world where all things at best are nearly as they seem! You could say it’s all about perspective!

John D. Rockefeller once said, “A friendship founded on business is better then a business founded on friendship!” It’s an agreeable proposition when you think of the ranging outcomes of all types of workplace relationships that can end up in promotion for the deserving and liked professional; to marriage should they find their soul mate. That said; it could also lead to betrayal and abuse of trust by the offending party in a one-sided relationship built on deception and manipulative behaviour. When business relationships go sour, they really do smell so how can we make better choices in the friendships we make in business whether that be professional or personal, or both???

Intent is not a bad start to any thought about friendship in the workplace. Think about what your intent is (personal/professional/both) and think about what you notice in your colleague when you are “being yourself” in a relaxed state. Do they reveal anything worrying like a change in body language that indicates predatory behaviour, do they see you as weak for being yourself, or do they display an “honest disposition”?

Company policy may forbid or frown upon fraternisation of employees, so be sure your intent does not clash with your personal ambitions for the future. Keeping a little distance between you and a colleague you are attracted to maybe the difference between getting promoted or not. Also, whilst workplace romances often end up in marriage, many do not and the resulting breakup may create a toxic chemistry between you and your colleague. The bottom line is to think about intent and outcome, is it worth the risk?

Know your friends! This cannot be overstated. It’s important to understand what motivates your colleague to want to be “your friend”. When you hear terms like “I would like to think we are also friends”, it’s a nice feeling to think someone cares, but do they really? Ensure you are not blinded by your own feelings of friendship and get to know what ulterior motives if any, your new “work pal” may have for hanging out with you. Does their motives define a strategic alliance based on mutual gain; is it a personal relationship based on genuine common interests and compatibilities or are they feigning interest to veil their true intent and reason(s) for wanting to be “your friend”???

Giving and Taking. Many times we overlook the behaviour of our new friends with others especially when it’s not obvious. Make enquires to see how they behave and interact with others and does their behaviour significantly modify when dealing with you? A taker personality will always be looking to “one up” others in the work place, generally is inwards looking and passionately self-serving. If they have a reputation for burning others to get what they want, then their pleasant and continuous interest in you may signal deception, as you most likely have become their next victim, rather then their next friend.

Personal & Professional Friendships. Try to remember the level of trust and intimacy that is present in personal friendships is normally not feasible in professional friendships. Beware of giving away personal levels of trust in professional friendships for it is the golden key for betrayal, which leaves you exposed. Discern who is a professional friend from a trickster, and then over time test and check the viability of increasing levels of trust you have in your professional friend to a point where you can call them a personal friend. It’s cautious but in my view, it shores up the dark side of workplace friendships even if your counter party does not agree!

We all aspire as people to not be solitary in this world but at times we walk the journey alone and with a heavy heart. However, circumstance takes as much as it gives, so being choosy about who you call friend can for the right reasons enrich your life in ways that only true friends can. When we chose well, life rewards us for our wisdom by leaving the sirens, fakes and charlatans in our rear view mirror, looking forward to where true friendship and better times await to accompany us on our journey ahead.