The Art of Communication - Do we say more than we think

Building bridges for the future, it’s harder than it looks!

How many of us automatically look to HR or the Sales guy as an example of a great communicator in our company? How many of us use the same comparison to excuse bad communication from others and ourselves? Afterall, if he’s not a Sales guy, he doesn’t need to be a great communicator, right? Good communication is a requirement for everybody at all levels; if a company is going to be successful over the longer term! It’s the glue that binds people, processes and technology together under a single roof.

So what makes a good communicator? Naturally social sales type? Sure… but the fact is that we can all make good communicators no matter how introverted or extroverted we are! All we have to do is package our message, deliver it so our intended recipient can receive it, decode it and most importantly understand it in the manner that it was intended to be understood in!

Seems straightforward but good communication is dangerously deceptive to grasp in companies of all sizes. Bad communication has quite rightly gotten or shared the blame for many things including:

• Strategic errors due to misunderstandings between managers and C-suite executives.
• Poor morale due to poor employee-leader and employee-employee communication.
• Employees leaving managers/leaders due to endemically bad communication on the part of the manager/leader.
• Employee disengagement due to bad corporate communications policy and resulting company culture
• Creation of a fear based working environment
• Workplace harassment, bullying and intimidation. 

So what is the ‘secret sauce’ that creates good and/or great communication in groups and companies alike? I submit that the following should act as key ingredients  to good/great communication:

Listen more than you speak - the art of communication is understanding. To understand your counterparty, you need to listen to them, understand their message in verbals (e.g. what they are saying/how it is said) and non verbals (e.g. body language/context).

Be emotionally discerning - context is important, if you understand your counterparty’s message, be sure to understand their emotional message also. An angry rant about a supplier may on any other day may be an irritated tangent.

Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion - in times of conflict or apparent conflict, counterparties become adversarial and posture aggressively, which is quite literally “fighting talk!” We naturally respond to aggression with aggression, which even at a subliminal level can lead to ‘heat of the moment’ decisions that can irreparably damage reputations and relationships. In such a situation, a good communicator no matter how challenged they are will respond to aggression with assertion valuing protection of interests over protection of position in a conflict situation.

Understand your environment and company culture - too often, a manager with a background in a hierarchical or dictatorial company culture will be placed in a company that has a adhocracy or clan culture meaning a directional manager brings situationally unaware (aka. directional) communication skills with him into an environment that requires consultative leadership. The results unchecked become disastrous over time.

 Know your stuff - knowing what one is talking about is key to good communication. It’s critically important that integrity fills the gap when one does not know or understand something. It’s ok to confirm what was said, ask for a fuller explanation and admit one does not know something. Make it an opportunity to collaborate in search of the missing information. Setting arrogance and ego aside in cases like this defines a professional communicator and wins over an audience. Respect is earned by being professional and following the facts to a logical outcome.

Watch your body language - I have come across many situations where someone would be talking to me in a focused manner but have very aggressive body language. Their words would say “Hey John, when are we expected to deliver on this initiative” and their body language says “Hey stupid, you gonna deliver and make me look good or shall I find someone else to do it after I fire your ass!” Mean what you say and say what you mean. Counterparties will sense deception and even if it’s not meant, your reputation will take a nosedive along with your credibility if you get a name as a schemer/deceiver!

Focus on interests - Leave the posturing and aggression to professional politicians and amateurs. Professional communicators will always set aside positions for interests and treat their counterparty with respect even when they don’t deserve it. In focusing on interests, you set yourself above the rest by simply finding common ground to communicate with your colleagues/counterparties and gain respect by simply giving it, yet maintaining a stance over your own interests and asserting them when needed.

 Now for the art… the self control, thoughtful orientation and situational awareness of the professional communicator will always have an artful agility to their communication style that connects beyond the professional to one’s personal/core values. Those with the artful x factor are charismatic and have the ability to understand their counterparty accurately through what they say, what they don’t say and how they carry themselves. The artful communicator sees a complete picture of who they are and instantly tailors their communication approach to effectively communicate with the individual on an individual basis. Culture, status, power, life stage and social orientation all matter. It’s the artful communicator that can see this in an instant and communicate in a manner leaving the person with a warm feeling that they know them better than they know themselves!

Who you are reflects in what you say, how you say it and what impression you leave with people you communicate with. Make it good by staying true to yourself, your sense of self and how you want to be remembered in this world. For each of us, it is different, but to effectively communicate, don’t be afraid to bring others into your world if even for a moment. Life will be fuller and happier for the effort…

Sources/Credits:

Pics;

www.boboa.com

www.publicdomainpictures.net

www.picturesofbabies.net

www.pixabay.com

Credits;

Petr Kratochvil took the feature photo (family communication) posted on www.publicdomainpictures.net

The true value of friendship at work...

Work friendship, does it have a dark side?

“Loyalty”, “Respect”, “Love”, “Trust”, “Fellowship”, “Commitment”. These are the terms we use to describe friendship in all its positivity and grandeur! It is hard to imagine any dark side to such a bright and hearty concept that has being key to our social fabric and to our success as a species. However, we live in a complex world where all things at best are nearly as they seem! You could say it’s all about perspective!

John D. Rockefeller once said, “A friendship founded on business is better then a business founded on friendship!” It’s an agreeable proposition when you think of the ranging outcomes of all types of workplace relationships that can end up in promotion for the deserving and liked professional; to marriage should they find their soul mate. That said; it could also lead to betrayal and abuse of trust by the offending party in a one-sided relationship built on deception and manipulative behaviour. When business relationships go sour, they really do smell so how can we make better choices in the friendships we make in business whether that be professional or personal, or both???

Intent is not a bad start to any thought about friendship in the workplace. Think about what your intent is (personal/professional/both) and think about what you notice in your colleague when you are “being yourself” in a relaxed state. Do they reveal anything worrying like a change in body language that indicates predatory behaviour, do they see you as weak for being yourself, or do they display an “honest disposition”?

Company policy may forbid or frown upon fraternisation of employees, so be sure your intent does not clash with your personal ambitions for the future. Keeping a little distance between you and a colleague you are attracted to maybe the difference between getting promoted or not. Also, whilst workplace romances often end up in marriage, many do not and the resulting breakup may create a toxic chemistry between you and your colleague. The bottom line is to think about intent and outcome, is it worth the risk?

Know your friends! This cannot be overstated. It’s important to understand what motivates your colleague to want to be “your friend”. When you hear terms like “I would like to think we are also friends”, it’s a nice feeling to think someone cares, but do they really? Ensure you are not blinded by your own feelings of friendship and get to know what ulterior motives if any, your new “work pal” may have for hanging out with you. Does their motives define a strategic alliance based on mutual gain; is it a personal relationship based on genuine common interests and compatibilities or are they feigning interest to veil their true intent and reason(s) for wanting to be “your friend”???

Giving and Taking. Many times we overlook the behaviour of our new friends with others especially when it’s not obvious. Make enquires to see how they behave and interact with others and does their behaviour significantly modify when dealing with you? A taker personality will always be looking to “one up” others in the work place, generally is inwards looking and passionately self-serving. If they have a reputation for burning others to get what they want, then their pleasant and continuous interest in you may signal deception, as you most likely have become their next victim, rather then their next friend.

Personal & Professional Friendships. Try to remember the level of trust and intimacy that is present in personal friendships is normally not feasible in professional friendships. Beware of giving away personal levels of trust in professional friendships for it is the golden key for betrayal, which leaves you exposed. Discern who is a professional friend from a trickster, and then over time test and check the viability of increasing levels of trust you have in your professional friend to a point where you can call them a personal friend. It’s cautious but in my view, it shores up the dark side of workplace friendships even if your counter party does not agree!

We all aspire as people to not be solitary in this world but at times we walk the journey alone and with a heavy heart. However, circumstance takes as much as it gives, so being choosy about who you call friend can for the right reasons enrich your life in ways that only true friends can. When we chose well, life rewards us for our wisdom by leaving the sirens, fakes and charlatans in our rear view mirror, looking forward to where true friendship and better times await to accompany us on our journey ahead.

Sources/Credits:

Pics:

www.2012books.lardbucket.org

www.thegrindstone.com

www.rebzombie.com

www.suitqaisdairies.com

www.deliveringhappiness.com

www.imagesquotes.org

www.pinterest.com

Credits:

www.izquotes.com

Perception! How to spot the "Genuine Phoney"…

Discerning “True” from “False” in the modern workplace!

  

Modernity has thought us many things, one of which is that if we are to be successful in today’s world, we need to be functional in a group setting. Whether that is with a colleague in a new business or in a large department of a multinational company, group dynamics are inescapable presenting opportunities and threats to us all as professionals.

So, why is perception so important in a group setting? In my view, it’s important for two reasons:

No 1. We need to fully aware of and project our “best real self” onto others in the group setting in order to effectively communicate and contribute in a functional manner.

No 2. We need to understand how others are projecting themselves and what it tells us about our colleague(s), their intentions and contributions to the group.

Perception is defined as “the process of recognizing and interpreting sensory stimuli”. That same process can become muddied if we don’t fully recognize and interpret “sensory stimuli” in the form of actions, inactions, words and/or inflections coming from us and our colleagues in a group setting.  Part recognition of our colleagues and their disposition is normal with trust and professional acknowledgement making up the balance of understanding that allows us to function in the group setting.

That said, self-perception theory identifies a real weakness in this standing supposition, which is if we positively infer certain positions, actions and standards from our ‘part understanding’ of our colleagues, we unwittingly ‘lie’ to ourselves (making it a truth) about their disposition, intent and possible threat posed. Obviously if positively inferred “assumptions” turn out to be true, then happy days! However, if we are mistaken by misperceiving a bad colleague for a good one, what can we can do to increase what we are actually know about our colleague(s) versus what we ‘think’ we know’?

Perceive Yourself. Most people don’t take time out to understand how they perceive themselves. “Am I good, bad or indifferent?” is a loaded yet valuable question! Self-appraisal, once tentatively formed then needs to be understood through the eyes of ones family members and friends, etc. It’s a reality check on who you are from the inside out and the outside in.

Body Language. Why not watch out for indicators such as posture, demeanor, arrogance/aggression, over gesturing, poor eye contact, deception, feigning (their ‘face’ tells you an alarming lie, their mouth tells you a charming half truth to cover bad behavior as much as the topic at hand).

Group Setting. The group setting is where the interaction takes place. What standing do you and your colleagues who affect your daily life have in it? Social status is just as important as legitimate status in just about everything the group does.

Bad Behaviour. Do colleagues engage in aggressive nature of any kind, do they put themselves ahead of others and/or act in a negative/passive aggressive manner? These bad behaviours are highly corrosive in a group setting.

Deception. Do colleagues engage in deceptive behaviour telling you everything is ok when it is not? Do they leave things to the last minute before contacting you to “firefight” the issue? Do they leave you wondering if you can trust them?

Manipulation. Do colleagues regularly approach you with how they are overworked and in crises yet don’t contact the boss or suffer any long term effects from the “crises”? Do they ask regularly about your progress with view to you offering assistance to them? Are they emotional blackmailers? Do they want to get involved in EVERY project that comes your way but are never around when work is being handed out? Do they network with other staff daily yet appear to be ‘behind and overworked’?

Politics/Organisational Setting. This can often provide a kernel clue as to what is expected; e.g. a collaborative culture will normally expect honest team players whereas a hierarchical culture will often reward “players” for their maneuvering to gain acclaim paying less attention to how they did it. If your company culture in reality supports daily behaviour like deception, then it’s reasonable to expect it in more of your colleagues, thus very important to not infer it’s absent in those around you.

  

When our world appears wonderful and it really is; we don’t pay much attention to perception mapping out facts about people in our workplace. However, when we are exposed to a darker reality, the wonderful perception we hold about our group becomes changed. We then need to know what is literally in front of us in order to map out a solution and a better future with or without the group we hold so dear. By assuming less and knowing more in the good times, we gain more control over our future lessening the chances of bad times coming through understanding by aligning our perception with our reality.

Sources/Credits:

Pics:

www.blog.drstankovich.com

www.business2community.com

www.slideshare.net

www.fineartamerica.com

www.bostino.streetwise.co

Credits:

http://education-portal.com/academy/lesson/what-is-perception-in-psychology-definition-theory-quiz.html#lesson

http://education-portal.com/academy/lesson/self-perception-theory-definition-and-examples.html#lesson