Bitter Defeat or Sweet Success - Stepping forward into One from the Other

How belief breaks down the imaginary wall between success and bitter defeat

There is no doubt in my mind that I have made as many mistakes as I have made good decisions in my life thus far! In fact, I would argue that ‘the more I learn, the less I know’ as my world view widens and deepens with the years. Needles to say, this is nothing new, which is why I wonder at how folks become irrationally afraid of failure and at times obsessively proud of their successes?

The answer is complex with things like societal attitudes, culture and external circumstances playing an important part in shaping our view of the world but ultimately is outside of our control So, in life’ trials and triumphs why should we:

1. Become overly concerned about what other people may think?
2. Pay homage to a culture that depreciates our contribution by not ensuring we collectively benefit from our efforts in a fair and reasonably distributed manner?
3. Dwell on the actions of others, good and/or bad that we cannot influence or control? 

As a guy with a few life tales to tell, I can say this! If we respond to the above with “I will do it anyway” and not change our outlook to one where we recognise the uncontrollable elements for what they are; then possible success turns into a certain failure.

So, after figuring out that the struggle within is where all enrichment starts and ends, it’s my view that we should change ourselves by:

Understanding the external forces at work in our environment and not dwell on things we truly cannot change. Steve Jobs did not reinvent Apple by obsessing over the poor treatment he received when he was removed from the company. He looked to himself, changed from within before returning to Apple as a ‘hero’ so many years later. In essence, he learned to let it go to a point where he could achieve his goals!

Quiten our minds when making big decisions at big junctures in life. Ever sit back and wonder about what you could have achieved if you had just listened better, remembered something or sought better understanding before deciding friends are enemies and enemies are friends? I know I have some regrets on poor decisions but undeterred by social taboo, I have chosen to learn from them. A good tip is to learn to meditate for 5 to no more than 30 minutes a day for leaner, stronger and a more controlled mind. It remembers more, processes information quicker and provides a better sense of well being. Even if you do not meditate, when you consider your position on an important topic, try to focus on 2-3 good breaths, then focus on the topic at hand excluding all background noise in your mind. Quieten your thought process to a single thread of the matter in front of you only.

When challenged, pure focus must be fuelled by pure belief. If you are right, but don’t assert your beliefs, then you will fail. Those opposed have to by definition play a dirtier game to rewrite the definition of correct... so don’t let them! Firstly, be clear on what is needed, be sure of what you are doing then use your belief to ensure a genuine ‘win’ is realised after finding out what is right for the situation, compelling others in consultation with your belief and stepping past failure to success with a ‘group’ effort. A solid approach like that with pure focus delivered by pure belief cannot be easily derailed.

Too often, folks fall prey to the temptation of bitter recourse for a situation that “may” harm one’s enemies but ultimately will harm themselves. Gandhi once said “If you change yourself you will change the world.” I like to think we can… all we have to do is believe and our journey starts from within illuminating the road ahead.

Sources/Credits:

Pics;

www.123rf.com

www.tinybudda.com

https://stocksnap.io/photo/XPNTVEF1SZ

Credits;

Independent Thinking - Making Waves or Just Making Trouble?

Why independent thinking should not be confused with negativity or just plain trouble-making

We all love the thought of an easy life; one where we don’t worry about bills, money in our pocket or why we have to (v ‘want to’) use the bus to work in the morning! Our career journeys are often primed to identify “independent thinkers” that are destined in our eyes to interfere with our plans for a domestic utopia; with us taking remedial action at the earliest possible opportunity. This phenomenon is more common then one might think and in enough numbers can often lead to a malformed clan culture in companies where protectionism rather than visionary insight dominate the company culture and arguably its destiny…

So, in walks the fear of losing one’s job, being relegated in career progression to the guy with deeper insights and/or just not succeeding like one feels they should ‘cos that guy is just doing better…’ It may sound like a case of jealousy, but it is a herald for more serious organisational issues especially in a company(s) where leadership tends to be weak and reactive in nature.  

Needless to say, this if unchecked ends ups a management issue that can often lead to a rounding on the ‘trouble maker’ to suppress his or her “performance” or even expel them from the organisation in the name of employee satisfaction. A direct chase to the finish line of bad management practice is obviously not the way to go, which is why I would recommend to any manager the following:

Is the person in question a balanced independent thinker, a whiner/neigh-sayer or an out and out trouble maker??? You will find such issues always boil down to the initial person of interest been accused of being one or more of the three. So quick definitions of the three and what to do:

Independent thinker: Articulate, outspoken, creatively intelligent, passionate about topics and can exude an air of confidence that at times may intimidate some. Issues often arise due to misunderstandings and/or folks becoming threatened by their willingness to think and step outside of the corporate box on issues. Defying conventions can lead to ‘witch hunts’ so beware of folks trying to manipulate events to paint a person like this in a bad light. If there is ever a need for creative types, it’s in this information era where innovation happens at an ever faster rate. Direct such engagements towards mutual accepting of each other’s value to the organisation and to each other. After all, absent one, the other will be eventually be out of job when the company fails. Creative and process driven employees make a successful company in partnership with well rounded leadership of both!  

Negativity: Negative, passive aggressively forward in meetings and backbiting anybody they feel like behind closed doors. Such personalities often seek to deflect attention from themselves by targeting an outspoken independent thinker with the traits they actually display. They are arguably the master of ‘dirty politics’ and most difficult to spot as they “seem to be liked” more by the silence of others then by direct compliment. They are socially active in groups spreading gossip and an innuendo in an apparently gleeful manner. They are the proverbial ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing.’ If the person you are informed about is charged with such transgression, I recommend you evaluate the complainant as much as the initial person of interest for signs of deception and follow up for signs of social interactivity that indicate narcissism and a sense of grandiose. Getting them talking about their correctness in an issue at an appropriate time can be revealing in this regard. Be sure that after completing your investigation, the results are impartial and the real narcissist is identified as an issue, which should be symptomatically addressed in a firm manner as they will raise issues due to their inevitable (future) infractions, which affords you remedial reproach. That said, always be impartial but never forget who you are dealing with.

  

Trouble Makers: The need to see how a bad employee behaves can be subtle like the negative employee or down right threatening like the argument makers. I had a crazy guy work for me who at a team meeting in an open space with our team and two senior managers in guest attendance told me to “lay off the drugs” in a loud disrespectful manner when I talking. The counselling session afterwards lead to more verbal abuse on his part where a verbal warning was his prize. If someone makes a claim about someone you know to be like that, then be sure to not jump to conclusions but be ready to follow the prescribed disciplinary process of your company after your initial investigation is complete. The results from the investigation can start the disciplinary process. People like that are not worth the effort and arrogantly detract from a team’s effectiveness and longevity in a real way. They need to be removed and if management don’t support you on it, then find a new job!

So, you can see that independent thinkers are the lifeblood of any company's longevity but if you let bad ones in that carry the traits of negativity and/or trouble maker, then be prepared to act for everybody’s benefit and future. A “good cultural fit” often misses this at selection letting in the bad ones and keeping the good ones out. As a manager, it then becomes your problem to fix it and fix it we must!

About the author: John Mulhall is a Community Manager and newly Minted Software Developer. John is also a committed blogger and from February 2016 onwards, will be publishing blogs every second week on topics around Technology, Leadership and Sustainable Capitalism.

Sources/Credits:

Pics;

https://stocksnap.io/photo/VJF8BWGNNW

www.positivethinkingseminars.com

www.123rf.com

Credits:

Career Ambition... Moving with the times

Ensuring Adaptability and Happiness Dance with Passion and Ambition…

Are you loving Life?… So what’s next?? A promotion, a new job, hobby or even a new chapter in your life??? Or maybe none of the above??? Maybe it’s better to wait until a better time economically to think about oneself and reflect on such questions? Maybe status quo is ok?? Maybe it is.. But what is certain is that they are piercing questions, which demand exploration!!!

Too often, good folks move along Maslow’s hierarchy of needs without really thinking about what they are looking for from psychological needs to self actualisation. On that note, I recall a talk with a life coach who talked of a very successful Merchant Banker and self actualisation. He was trained at a young age as a clerk in the bank, which was led and co-owned by his father. His father, the President showed him no favour in his career making him work hard for every promotion, sometimes trying many times to get promoted until he climbed every rung of the ladder to the top of his profession as President of a Merchant Bank many decades later. He lamented to the life coach about how hard he worked and how successful he was, yet when he reached the top of the ladder, he realised the ladder was facing the wrong wall to truly fulfill him as a human being! On paper, his success was incredible yet in his heart, he felt a gap where his true passion was left unfulfilled.

A sad story of enormous success may leave some slightly confused as to why he can be sad at all? He doesn’t have to worry about a roof over his head or food on the table, right? Very true, but his success is testament to the fact that we are all human and at a human level have very similar needs in order to be whole in this life no matter who we are! We need “to be”, not “nearly to be!”, which is about remembering that life’s true bounty is in the journey, not the destination.

So how does that translate into career ambition and choice? In my view, there is a direct correlation between our work and our lives as the former is such a dominant feature in the latter. If we just follow the societal viewpoint, we will select role and compensation that reflects on what standing we think we deserve in society. In all this focus and decision making, where does happiness and passion fit? Do we dismiss it as folly or embrace it on equal terms with ambition and adaptability in a world that is changing every faster than it did before! I think it would be wise at every career juncture to map out choices in the following areas and rank them from negative to positive as one sees fit!

• Passion: Is my passion stirring great interest in the role description and/or proposition?
• Purpose: Do I see purpose in what is been done at the company and/or industry and/or profession? Also, does this purpose give me a “feel good” feeling that I cannot fully describe when things go well? Do we make a difference?
• Culture: Does the company and/or industry have a culture that relates to my core values or at least does not offend nor challenge them at a core level?
• Adaptability: Am I prepared to be adaptable to my circumstances whilst maintaining my core values as a human being? Will I think outside of the box when it comes to planning my future in a structured manner allowing me to see threats and opportunities in a clearer and more structured way?
• Ambition: Does my ambition align to my passion, purpose, (company) culture and/or adaptability? Will it override who I am as a person or develop who I am into a better version of myself?
• Self-Actualisation: Will all my efforts from this point on lead to me becoming successful, happy or both in life?

If your answer to the self-actualisation question is “both”, then you are truly lucky to have gained the vision to see what you want to become as a whole package and the courage to see it so! If like so many, you are effectively asked to trade happiness for success, then I leave you with a quote from Steve Jobs in his Stanford 2005 graduation speech: “If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.” When we look back on our life, we just want to see a full heart that was made whole by our decisions in the here and now. We are the culmination of these decisions and who we are should ultimately reconcile with who we want to be. When they reconcile, we take our place in this world as we have seen ergo our legacy is not an echo of what could have been!

Sources/Credits:

Pics;

www.en.wikipedia.org

https://stocksnap.io/photo/NVEEDW9B33

www.zengardner.com

Credits:

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs by Simply Psychology at http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

Steve Jobs quote from Standard Speech in 2005 by Goodreads.com at http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/445070-if-you-haven-t-found-it-yet-keep-looking-don-t-settle